God Math
One of the precious jewels of the Spiritual Guidance Program is learning to more clearly discern God’s calling to ever-more-deeply rest in Love – a Love that is always more trustworthy, more wonderfully surprising, and more intimately present than I expect. And it’s those unseen expectations that can trip me up, and perhaps you too. With gratitude for the wisdom, care, and generosity I’ve experienced in the SGP, here are a few thoughts on expectations and a way that’s been helpful to me in letting them go. -Susan
Much of the time, we experience relationships as interactional systems. When you smile or scowl, it affects my thoughts and feelings and response, which then affects your response and away we go. You get it. That’s how our world works. At a deep level it seems reasonable, it makes sense. And it gives us a certain sense of control. If I alter my response, with rare exception, it affects our interaction. The problem arises when we assume that’s how Spirit (or God, Holy One, or however you name the Ground of All Being) works too.
Within our interactional view, God’s Love doesn’t make sense. Parables confound us. It just doesn’t add up. But what if God is in a completely different operating system than the one so familiar to us? What if God is completely beyond our assumptions of how the world and relationships work?
“God Math” is a phrase I use to shake myself free of my ordinary, interactional assumptions about how the world and relationships work and remind myself with a gentle laugh – but, of course, God is completely beyond my understanding and expectation. If you, too, find the idea helpful, then when infinite love confounds our interactional brains, we can smile and think “Ah, yes, it’s God Math!” and in releasing our assumptions open space to allow ourselves to fall into the unearned embrace of God.
Last night, I sensed the Spirit inviting me to enjoy Presence for a while – and I rolled over and went back to sleep. In the broad daylight of morning, I felt regret and was disappointed in myself. In a deep, unspoken way, I assumed God would also be disappointed, maybe even give up on me because of my inevitable failings. But not so. I know it makes no sense, but Spirit is infinitely waiting and welcoming me with outstretched arms regardless of the choice I make. I can respond at 3am or roll over and go back to sleep and God remains infinitely in love with me. As I write this, I hesitate. Am I sure? It seems so wrong. Surely God must love me a little less … somehow? Is infinite love really that infinite? It seems too beautiful to be possible.
The parable of the Prodigal Son describes this over-the-top improbable love. The father’s love for his son is constant, unchanged by the very worst the son might do. When the wayward son has his epiphany, he turns for home, rehearsing his unworthiness speech as he travels. But the father does not wait to hear the son’s explanations before wrapping his son with love – he doesn’t even wait for the son to arrive home before exclaiming his love. These extraordinary actions seem unfair to the dutiful son, and honestly, didn’t seem fair to me, either. It doesn’t add up with our assumptions about how relationships do or should work. Surely the prodigal son needed to apologize, something, right?
But what if it’s God Math? Infinite love didn’t make sense to the dutiful son, and it doesn’t make sense to us. Worthiness isn’t even the right question. Infinite love can never be less than infinite. It can be nothing less than total outpouring for each of us, always and now. God waits for us – to pause, open, and come home to unimaginable Love.
But this is just a parable, a story, right? Opening ourselves to God’s Love is more difficult when we consider our littleness, our failings, big and small, or our worthiness. It can also be challenging because opening to this improbable, unearned Love means realizing and accepting that we have zero control. We tend to desire control. Love is easier to accept within our system of interactions, when it feels like we did something to earn it because then we have some control. But no, this is God Math – infinite love completely outpouring in ways and to people who don’t ‘deserve’ it, including ourselves. There is absolutely nothing we have done or will do (or fail to do) that lessens God’s love for us- each unique being as we are.
At the same time, there is also nothing we can do to make God love more much to the chagrin of the Catholic nuns at my Minnesota grade school who worked so hard teaching us to “be good to go to heaven.” That’s not to say that living a loving life is bad – just don’t expect that doing so will change God’s Love. That is not possible. We cannot earn love because God already infinitely loves. There is no “more” beyond infinite. God’s Love is simply here, everywhere, in this and every present moment- infinitely waiting, inviting us to say yes.
And if that doesn’t stretch our usual sense of how things work, God’s Love also extends to us total freedom- freedom to choose to open to God’s embrace, or say no thanks, not right now, or I’m going back to sleep. God’s Love does not change. And while God’s Love in our lives invites us, draws us to love, it does not require us to do so in order to be loved. Freedom comes in knowing that nothing can increase or diminish God’s Love. And with that, we can rest in Love, we can count on it. What a relief, what joy!
Infinite Love infinitely outpouring to me, to you, in this moment and in every present moment. Always. Shake your head and smile, that’s God Math.
Thank you Susan. Beautifully said and so true! A great reminder for all of us. Blessings to you! Barbara SGP24
Thank you Susan for sharing so deeply your experiences and musings on the infinite love of God . Your simple line, “ Last night I sensed the Spirit…and I rolled over and went back to sleep “ felt so real and personal; I felt invited into your sacred experience. Thank you .