Earth and Soul

In reading Earth & Soul: Reconnecting Amid Climate Change, some of the information about nature’s interconnectedness was new to me and some brought back many happy childhood memories of walking around the small farm I grew up on with a beloved uncle who loved to teach me about the natural world around me, about how the earth cares for us and how we need to care for it. And while I have always felt some form of spiritual connectedness with the natural world, it was never really a deep abiding oneness with nature. It was more a sense of finding God in nature rather than a oneness with God and nature. That is, until the Heart Longings program.

I am part of a running group that meets on Tuesday evenings and Saturday mornings. The Saturday of the May Heart Longings seminar, I almost did not go. I was mentally, physically and spiritually exhausted from helping someone I love dearly deal with health issues that culminated with them being hospitalized. I did not want to run. I thought I was physically incapable of running. I did not want to be around other people, especially those who care about me. I was full of anger at other people, the health care system, myself, the situation, etc. I was experiencing too many emotions at once. Worst of all, I could not pray. Spiritually I felt empty. However, if I didn’t show up, I would have gotten calls and texts asking if I was okay. So, I went.

About a half mile into the run, feeling sluggish and disconnected, I decided to veer off from the prescribed route and onto a trail that loops through a wooded area. This trail is part of the county park system but still within city limits. I would never run this loop alone because part of it is very secluded but Saturday it felt better than running with the group. Looking back, I would have to say I was directed to this path.

As I approached a “tunnel of trees,” all my senses became hyper aware, listening and looking for any potential dangers. I became very aware of the sound of my own footsteps pounding the ground. Each step seemed to be pounding out the sound of my anger, fear, anxiety, frustration…. something in the sound reminded me of something I read in Leah Rampy’s book. I wondered if all the negative energy I was releasing was hurting the environment around me. Was I throwing more negativity out into an already overwhelmed universe?

I then became aware of my breathing. It was more labored than normal for the pace I was running. I just wanted to stop and go home. But as I looked around, the trees came into focus. I began to remember that the trees give off oxygen, the very oxygen I was struggling to get into my lungs. There were so many trees, such an abundance of oxygen freely given to me.

At that moment, something inside me began to shift ever so slightly. I began to feel gratitude for the trees and my breathing became steadier. I began to feel gratitude to the earth for absorbing the pounding of my feet and the cadence of my steps began to become more efficient. This “tunnel of trees” that I never wanted to enter alone was no longer frightening. It was lovingly surrounding me, comforting me, giving me life and strength and connectedness. In that moment, I truly felt at one with God and the natural world. The more gratitude I felt, the less anger I felt. This shift from negative emotions to gratitude was not part of any conscious effort on my part. Nor was this part of what many refer to as “the runner’s high.” This was different in ways that I cannot explain. Nature surrounded me, embraced me and I became one in some way that I cannot explain. I finished the run tired but renewed.

I believe the book Earth & Soul: Reconnecting Amid Climate Change planted a seed in me that enabled me to have the experience described above. At a time when I was struggling with a deep darkness, that seed began to grow. It has brought an awareness to my soul of the connectedness of all living beings. A connectedness that is not reserved for or created by just human beings.

It’s hard for me to discern where this reading is calling me right now. The challenge for me at this moment is to hold onto that feeling of connectedness; to nature, to God, to others around me.

I have been changed by this experience and this book. Where it is inviting me is yet to be determined but I am looking forward to finding the way.