During the Transforming Community Program (TCP26), I worked three days a week for five hours at the seminary, drove 100 miles each day, occasionally preached on Sundays, and facilitated various cohorts and community gatherings. I was in a new season in life, serving contractually. For over two decades, I served as a pastor of a congregation, a consultant in conflict transformation, a director of leadership development in the Christian Reformed denomination, and a coach for seminarians at Calvin Theological Seminary in Grand Rapids, MI.
TCP26 was truly transformative and right for me in every way. I appreciated the staff’s diversity and leadership. I could hardly wait for the in-person residency to meet everyone, especially my group leader and peers. Giving and receiving from each other opened the door to new skills and helped us know each other better. I was challenged to adopt a new practice instead of giving in to unfamiliarity. It became one of my favorites.
I was saturated by the Spirit’s presence, guidance, and a desire for transformation. Through TCP26, God opened my heart to a divine, fiery passion and a deeper conviction to live daily with purpose and contemplation. I am still processing it. I will mention more later.
I use the 3 L’s to describe the key aspects of the program Spirit led me to pay attention to: language, love, and landing:
Language – I had been drawn into intimacy with God years ago, even before being introduced to Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. I learned from others like Ben Campbell Johnson, Howard Thurman, and my pastor how to cultivate an intimate relationship with the Divine. Intimacy with God came naturally and intentionally. TCP26 met emerging needs.
I was immersed in vocabulary for contemplation, different perspectives, and ways to relate to and meet with God. Language has affected my ability to lead contemplatively, build trust, and establish credibility in groups and retreats. I appreciate learning about the origin and history of these practices, and the background will help others like me who did not grow up in or attend churches that used contemplative practices. I immediately benefited from what I learned, both personally and in situations where I could influence others in new ways.
Love – TCP26 encouraged us to practice contemplation personally, beyond the class sessions and required at-home retreat. I did. I noticed an internal difference gradually. I was awakened to a deeper love of God, people, and myself. I was awakened to see God in ways and places I hadn’t before. God was always there. My inner soul was awakened to a “holy confidence” in how I lead in small groups and larger gatherings, virtually and in person. My words and behavior came from a place of love as a regular, daily way of life. I know I am in a new place in my spiritual journey, and others notice.
Landing – As stated earlier, God opened my heart to a divine, fiery passion and a deeper conviction to live daily with purpose and contemplation. This is not what I had expected from the beginning; however, I know beyond a shadow of doubt I have been transformed.
The course was set for my landing as Spirit navigated my journey in TCP26 to reach my true self, which was my heart’s desire. I arrived at this new place of a deeper trust in the Divine while walking through the labyrinth and facing my insecurity of rejection. Becoming aware of what God was up to and letting go took several months including a helpful conversation with a Shalem staff member. Now, I am awakened to a deeper sensitivity to God’s presence and power working through me. I sense an alignment with who God has created me to be without trying to prove myself. I am me.
I like the images in poet David Whyte’s “The Journey,” written for a friend who had gone through a difficult time. I am especially drawn to his concluding words,
You are not leaving.
Even as the light fades quickly now,
you are arriving.
Now, I embrace my God-given gift of extraversion as a contemplative leader and as a child of the great I Am, fearfully and wonderfully made. I love it! I am experiencing a holy confidence in God like never before. I’m grateful for how the Spirit used the TCP26 crew to get me here. I’m also grateful that my leadership inspired participants in my at-home retreat and new cohorts to deepen their spiritual growth. The journey is life-changing for me – a perfect landing!