Surprised by Joy
Recently a fellow spiritual guide described her surprise and delight at the joy she experiences meeting with directees. I’m not sure why, but I was taken aback. Because I experience it too- I just hadn’t expected it. When I thought about it, remembering the pursed lip smile of my spiritual director as he slightly nodded his head suddenly made sense. Then I thought he was pleased; but this joy is a whole other story. What a delightful surprise to discover.
I am an amateur- learning and loving this art of God’s gift. When I first started meeting with directees it was difficult to restrain myself from jumping up out of my chair and exclaiming “Yes!”. (I did restrain myself, but probably grinned ridiculously). I felt my heart bursting open with joy right there in the room. Gerald May talks about managing powerful joy (just sit with it, don’t do anything!), but I don’t remember reading about this wondrous delight as part of the experience of being a guide.
I began to wonder, perhaps this surprising joy, this wondrous delight in God as we join with our directees in presence, which encourages us, might also sustain us in this ministry of spiritual guidance?
Now, I am not so surprised as I am in awe at my lived experience of deep joy providing direction. It’s all God. And mystery. As I get out of God’s way and join with God, I sense presence within me and between myself and my directee, as the very air quivers and the Holy One touches and moves my directee within. My directee might speak softer, slower and often pause. Fidgeting stops. Their gaze turns inward, not unlike the awe of a woman sensing new life moving within her the first time. I see this quickening of a different sort as directee becomes aware of presence in perhaps a first or new way, as we both sit quietly letting Spirit have Her way in us. This is indeed sacred space. And sacred time- I lose track of time in these spaces. Together we swim in Presence time.
It is also joy when I lean back and see God in action. Yesterday when I met with my directee I was distracted by who knows what and feeling an old familiar pressure of not knowing what to say; now, however, I gave it to God. When telling myself “OK, lean back, let God be God” re-grounded me in Presence, I relaxed into being curious how the Holy wanted to be within this person today. It wasn’t but a few minutes later, I noticed my directee was becoming more interiorly focused, talking less, with a small upturn of a smile, and then began wondering aloud the very question Spirit had arisen within me to possibly ask. What humbling joy to simply rest in Presence as they opened to God’s presence, action and love.
It seems counterintuitive, but being a spiritual guide has offered me another joy as well- the opportunity to see many boulders- or unfreedoms as Shalem descriptively says- that impair or block my full freedom to listen for and say yes to God in providing direction, and all my life. One of these for me has been an attachment to control, to get my desired outcomes. You can imagine how that played out as spiritual guide! The joy is of course, God melts my heart to even see the unfreedom, transforms my reluctance into willingness, holds me in tender mercy and love as I let it go or surrender, if you will, and then rushes in with healing and love such that I am left in gratitude, awe and joy. And freedom.
So, while I may no longer be surprised by joy, now it’s my turn to share that pursed smile with a slight nod as my directee and I joy in presence and still in awe as Presence presences Herself in our sacred space. And as I leave I experience deep gratitude, for I notice God’s wondrous joy creates in me, and perhaps for you as well, deeper yearning for God. And so it goes. Being a guide is indeed a rich gift.
“In the Autumn”
by Susan Marie
They do not resist.
They do not pretend to be green, but
shimmer in their glory.
They do not rush to fall off.
Nor worry about the falling.
They rest in their change, exactly
Where they are,
As they are.
In this moment.
*Shalem’s Spiritual Guidance Program is currently enrolling. Join us for a free info session on Zoom to discern the rightness of the Spiritual Guidance Program for you. Learn more by clicking Here.*